I read the “5 Takeaways from Kamala Harris’ new book,” meaning her 107 Days memoir, and have some comments about life writing. When you write your stories, they are YOUR stories of what you know happened, or your understanding of what happened, and they are what YOU thought and how YOU felt.
Point 1) That’s what SHE thought, how SHE felt.
Point 2) Tell your truth, what you thought, but maybe don’t feed the wolves yummy dog treats. Be careful with your wording around anything volatile.
Point 3) Yes, you might hurt people no matter what. Be respectful and considerate in your writing. Others may think your thoughts and feelings are wrong, but that’s THEIR thoughts and feelings. Might have been a good idea to discuss things with them at the time, but you may not have thought about it or been hesitant to, or maybe that wasn’t possible.
Point 4) This doesn’t have much to do with most of us as we’re not running for political office, but the stories of who we are (our backstory) will be in our memoirs.
Point 5) Maybe we don’t know yet what’s next. For most of us, we don’t have to say; we told our story and that’s that. We can always write a follow-up.
I prefer memoirs about “ordinary” people so I’m not going to read 107 Days but I’m sure it’s interesting.
Recently a well-known public figure, to many, at least, was assassinated in a public forum, horrifying onlookers including his family and the audience that included children. Controversial quotes from him are all over the internet, including his belittling of empathy as a “made-up, new age term that has caused a lot of damage.” Jesus must have been “new age” as He often felt deeply, was even deeply moved to tears enough to do a miracle of healing amidst the wailing of others (John 11:33-35). This particular public figure, though, preferred “compassion” and “sympathy.” I can’t find how he thought empathy is damaging, although too much can make you anxious and even feel depressed and helpless.
I advocate life writing and reading memoirs, articles, essays, even poems about other people’s experiences because I think it does result in empathy and understanding. Not particularly sympathy as that, to me, is a superficial emotion. Sympathetic thoughts and prayers do little to help or understand anyone. Sympathy is easy—aww, I’m sorry, and maybe you’ll send a card or bring over cookies. Compassion, like sympathy, is also standing apart and observing and feeling sad for someone but a little deeper. It can manifest as pity. It might push you to active support, or not.
Empathy is deeper, stronger, to the heart, maybe because of your own related experiences or you have a new understanding. Empathy can make you want to actively do something to help, and not just help one person. Empathy can push us to try to change things for the better, because you better understand how someone feels. When you see something unjust or tragic, even an abused animal, it’s not sympathy, it is empathy that makes you feel deeply enough to want to help somehow.
I’ve read memoirs of people suffering grief, who have lived through wars, who live with disabilities, who are adopted and struggling with emotions, who were abused, who lived in abject poverty. When you read, you become part of their story, walking alongside them. You find understanding and you become aware of lives outside your own little self. Your mind opens to new thoughts and experiences.
This world and the US are deeply troubled, and from listening to others via news and comments (if you dare read them) on social media, too many people are full of ignorance and lack of empathy, leading to cold hearts and vicious comments. Many people need to not walk in someone else’s shoes but walk beside someone to better understand circumstances different from what their limited knowledge and understanding (and perhaps closed, judgmental minds) allow. But with all the nastiness that assails us, realize that there really are more good people than mean. Let’s hope the light overcomes the darkness.
Today, Sept 21, is the International Day of Peace. “Peace cannot be achieved by force, it can only be achieved by understanding,” said Albert Einstein. Understanding can lead to empathy and action.
I enjoy the annual Japanese Festival at our botanical garden, always over Labor Day weekend. I join in the Obon dancing and light a lantern for my mom and family members to float on the lake at night – toro nagashii is so peaceful and poignant (once you move away from the chatting crowd and can hear the gentle music). In this way I honor my mother and my cultural heritage, although I also belong to Japan-related groups here and keep a connection year-round that way.
I hope you have opportunities to enjoy your cultural heritage(s). In my area we are lucky to have many different cultural festivals. They welcome all. At the Japanese Festival, it’s fun to see so many people not of-Japanese heritage dressed in their own yukata or kimono. I think everyone becomes Japanese at the festival, like everyone becomes Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. It’s fun to learn about and to enjoy other cultures’ traditions, widening our world experience and people connections a little without the expense of traveling afar, and these days we sure need to widen our worlds and connections.
This beautifully polished ikebana container was made in one of the internment “camps” for Japanese Americans in the US during WWII. It is made from a thick branch (firewood) with a US Army ration can inside to hold water.
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