Easter: writing about death, rebirth, and other spiritual experiences

Last weekend my sister came to visit and we had a private memorial for our mother at our local botanical garden, under the cherry trees – still tightly budded – in the Japanese garden our mother loved. I decided it was time to write down the experience of our mother’s month-long journey unto death. I wanted to share it with my sister to make sure I got it right and that I hadn’t imagined the awesome power of whatever it was going on.

At the nursing home’s December memorial for the residents who had passed away in the last six months, the visiting pastor told us to remember that the follow-up to Christmas and Jesus’s birth is Easter and Jesus’s death and resurrection. That resurrection tells us there is life after death. Believe it or not. And believe it or not, plenty of us Christians find ourselves wondering at times (or a lot of times) if that’s really true, at least for us mortals.

My sister and I were honored to be present watching over many days the gradual withdrawal of life from the human body and its final transformation into a presence we felt fill the corners and empty spaces of the room and then leave like a mist dissipating in the morning sun. At the end, we stood silent, stunned, wondering if two people could imagine the same bizarre, mysterious thing if neither spoke of it. I wanted to write down the experience, to remember it, to save it, to savor it, to find comfort in it, but I wasn’t ready until four months later.

When we write down our stories, how many think to write about their spiritual experiences. How many are brave enough to write them! Many times I’ve heard people talk about these kinds of moments, usually when they think they are safe with others who might believe. Easter is the annual reminder that there is something big and powerful and wonderful out there waiting for us. If you’ve felt it, will you share your story?

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Posted in capturing memories, death, Spiritual | 10 Comments

A snowy day of photo albums and memories

Yesterday our family had a private memorial for my mother in the botanical garden she loved. The day was sunny and spring-like, and we had to dodge swarms of little children and parents there for an Easter egg hunt. We couldn’t believe the forecast called for snow the next day.

A snowstorm began around 8:00 this morning. At nightfall I measured nine inches of wet snow, with lighter swirls of flakes still expected. No school tomorrow. We know March comes in like a lion, but we didn’t expect it would go out as a fluffy, white, cold lamb. My visiting sister and her husband left at noon, and their drive home took an extra two and a half hours, with forty-five cars sighted in ditches. Facebook and Twitter are full of snow photos. The photos will help us all remember this crazy weather weekend.

Before she left, my sister and I started going through a box of my mother’s old photos. This can be a sad task after someone dies, but we had a good time discovering photos of the Japanese family we’ve never met. We also enjoyed seeing our own old family photos—look how skinny I was, can you believe that hair, there’s our old backyard, how come I didn’t get one of those pictures? There’s a lot to be said for print photos vs digital. There’s also a lot to be said for writing dates, people’s names, and places on the backs of photos.

I love sitting down and looking at print photo albums. To me, the physical act of turning pages adds to the sensory experience of delight at re-discovering forgotten photos. Scrapbooking is wonderful, but regular albums are just fine, too. Anything to get those photos out of the shoebox and bringing back good memories. I make family albums, but also personal ones for each daughter. They have a lot of fun looking through their albums and sharing them with friends. A physical book lying around seems to draw attention more than a file on a computer.

I took snow photos today, and some may make it into an album. I’m going to spend the rest of the evening going through my mom’s old photos—those make me feel a lot warmer.

Yesterday was a beautiful day for an outdoor memorial

Yesterday was a beautiful day for an outdoor memorial

The robins have failed to bring spring!

The robins have failed to bring spring!

Nine inches of snow fell today
Nine inches of snow fell today
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More on poetry as lifewriting

The other night I scored a triple crown of poets. All three Missouri poets laureate, past and present, were doing a reading at a local university. Walter Bargen is our first poet laureate, a quiet man known for nature poems. I, however, am in love with his Endearing Ruins (sadly, available only in Germany or directly from Mr. Bargen). This book of poems, in both English and German, features recollections of being a child in Germany, where he played in the aftermath of WWII. It includes poem moments in America, where a classmate discovered for him that his mother spoke with an accent, where he got caught in a tornado that tossed his glasses, wallet, Bible down the streets so “I guess you could say / I was a man about town.” Some of these poems are also in Days Like This Are Necessary.

“On weekends I’d see through the rain-flecked
back window, fields of bomb craters turned
upside down in streaming lenses of rain.
Still the craters filled with water,
working themselves into weed-choked
ponds where frogs exploded into a new season.”
– “Lost Ordnance” from Endearing Ruins

David Clewell was the second poet laureate. He is a brash, big man with white Santa whiskers who brought poem toys that made us laugh and think about tofu. He writes long poems with long titles, many are philosophical or autobiographical (or both) essay poems—no good poem rhymes these days, too restrictive, too contrived. His poems “will tell you it’s not what you think.”

“Riding high in the grocery store cart,
Sometimes Ben would get this far-off look for a minute.
And then he’d be on his way again, unmistakeably grinning
back into the thick of his otherwise nonstop talking.
And once, I heard it, too, or thought I did: my mother’s voice…”
– “The Only Time There Is (for my mother)” from Taken Somehow by Surprise

William Trowbridge, our current poet laureate, is a casual, pleasant man with shocking blue eyes–shocking like his poems. He wrote a series of mostly biting, philosophical poems about “The Fool,” which is many men, perhaps all men and maybe some women. But he made us smile at his young boy self daydreaming in right field—poet’s corner. He recalled the satisfaction of shooting off cherry bombs, “so quick, so blunt, so right to boys / who dreamed of fuse and detonation.” He also wrote:

“…when I donned the Nazi pilot’s gloves
my father shipped from Cologne with the picture
of himself sitting proud in his new mustache
my mother said made him look like Stalin,
gloves with the smell of war…”
– “Home Front” from Enter Dark Stranger

These are serious poets. No dropping pretty words just to hear them sparkle, no mere crying for love lost. Their work speaks of sharp wit and slow, pensive musing, of metaphors that take your breath away. I don’t know why poetry books are a hard sell when reading them can put new words and ideas, new ways of thinking into any writer of fiction or memoir. Poetry is a frame of mind. Poetry expands the mind.

Walter Bargen, Missouri's first poet laureate, who called Poems That Come to Mind "fiercely imaged."

Walter Bargen, Missouri’s first poet laureate, who called Poems That Come to Mind “fiercely imaged.”

Posted in lifewriting, poems | Tagged | 4 Comments