A young couple in our family recently suffered a tragedy made worse by a catholic hospital’s “ethics” committee. Their pregnancy had such a serious complication that the baby, in second trimester, was doomed, and the grieving mother became incapacitated, bedridden and with no appetite due to stress and discomfort. The baby was left literally high and dry, compressed in a little prison where it could hardly move. The hospital’s rigid ethics committee insisted the two wait like that until the baby eventually died or the mother developed a deadly infection. Both were trapped in terrible situations, and for how many days to satisfy the hospital’s version of “ethics”? And would the couple be bankrupted by hospital bills for their forced extended stay? Our state’s “no exception” rule would approve of this.

The entire family was devastated, grieving and horrified. The doctors went to bat twice with the ethics committee, which refused to consider mercy and did not have the guts or courtesy to send one of their members to visit the couple to explain or show any sort of empathy. In the end, the mother was taken away from that hospital for care elsewhere.

Fortunately, the nurses and doctors in both locations were wonderfully caring. These days a purple butterfly on the door of the room identifies (and warns) there is a life-threatening complication going on, so staff know to be watchful and extra gentle with the parents. The baby died during delivery and was cradled with immense love and sadness—a profound experience to behold this perfect, very wanted child that had to die. The parents went home to recover from trauma with treasured mementos from caring groups that provide for parents who have suffered loss.

I tell this story as a warning for pregnant women to be aware of the risk of giving birth in a catholic hospital–and in a state with strict laws against care–in case of ectopic pregnancy or something else that goes terribly wrong. Even if the state allows compassionate care, a catholic hospital’s ethics committee can make their own rules. If you are imprisoned in a bad situation, do what you can to leave for care, by ambulance or otherwise. I have told this story to many, and all, including Christians, were horrified.

Jesus, speaking about pharisees: “They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them” (Matthew 23:4).