Inheriting emotional pain

Posted on October 16, 2009 by moonbridgebooks

Bending Toward the Sun by Leslie Gilbert-Lurie is a new memoir out this fall that delves into an interesting concept of whether one person’s emotional trauma can be inherited, in a sense, by their children and grandchildren. Little Rita Lurie lived through the Holocaust hidden in a tiny dark attic, near starving with fourteen other family members. She watched her mother and brother die and after the war wandered for years with the rest of her family looking for a country that would accept them. Many years later, in California, Lurie’s grown up and successful daughter probed into her mother’s childhood and discovered the fear and guilt that remained embedded in her character, and despite a deep mother’s love for her children, the effect of the pain was passed on to her daughter and filtered down even to her granddaughter. Bending Toward the Sun is now on my reading list.

Writing my own mother’s memoir, Cherry Blossoms in Twilight, I also discovered how her childhood pain and trauma permanently affected her, and thus my sister and I. When painful emotions do not heal well, the wounds can affect one’s whole outlook on the world as well as everyday behavior. The parent cannot help but pass on that outlook and behavior to the children. It takes a recognition of the negative thoughts and actions, a willingness to face what has caused them, and an ability to come to peace with them for the ghosts to be laid to rest, allowing a sense of freedom from the past and an openness towards other people and the future. That kind of awareness is rare, unless it is pointed out by someone. The desire and courage to confront the devil is rarer still. And it takes an aware child to recognize aspects of their parent’s behavior that they do not want to duplicate themselves and a lot of determination to be able to resist the strong temptation of that behavior. Our life threads are so entwined.

This inheriting of pain should give us all a stronger urge to settle with our past so that we can live a brighter future ourselves and free our families from the monkey on our back. A good start is to write it all down.

Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
Posted in bad memories | 2 Comments

Another lesson from Anne Frank

Posted on October 10, 2009 by moonbridgebooks

The Anne Frank House museum posted on YouTube the only live footage of young Anne before her death from typhoid in a concentration camp. The short clip was taken following the July 1941 wedding of the Franks’ neighbor, with 13-year-old Anne looking down to the street from an upper window to see the young couple leaving the apartment building. Years later, after Anne’s diary was published, the couple recognized Anne and gave a copy of the clip to Anne’s father and to the museum where it has since been available for viewing by visitors. There are other videos posted on the Anne Frank House new You Tube channel, including one of Otto Frank, Anne’s father, speaking about his daughter’s diary which he received after his family’s deaths. When he finally read the diary, he was quite surprised by Anne’s deep thoughts and self criticism.

Probably most parents don’t really know their children, just as most children – even grown children – probably don’t really know their parents, this despite living under the same roof for years, speaking to each other daily, observing each others’ oddities and emotional hot buttons. We don’t dig into each others’ thoughts or formative experiences, we just don’t have the awareness to do that or, in our busy world, the time. And yet, when we are able to ask the deep questions, probe into past experiences, we learn so much about each other and why we act the way we do, which then enriches our lives and our relationships. When I heard some of my mother’s childhood stories, her whole being seemed to be illuminated to me. Writing about our thoughts and our reflections on experiences is even more of a treasure as a lasting and most intimate look at who we are. Imagine what gold Anne’s diary is to her father.

Take a look at the YouTube channel for the Anne Frank House museum, which includes the clip of Anne and a virtual tour of the attic space the Frank family hid in during WWII

Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
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Using artwork and photos in memoir

Posted on October 2, 2009 by moonbridgebooks
Tonight I attended a talk by famous architect Gyo Obata whose artist/professor father was imprisoned in a U.S. internment camp along with his family during WWII. Gyo escaped by being allowed to attend Washington University in St. Louis, which agreed to accept about 22 Japanese students at that time. Photographer Ansel Adams’ son Dr. Michael Adams was also there to speak about their family’s friendship with the Obatas and how Ansel Adams was asked to document the Manzanar camp in photos.

After Chiura Obata’s death, his granddaughter wrote Topaz Moon, what amounts to an illustrated, historical memoir of the family’s internment time based on letters, stories from her grandmother, notes written by her grandfather about his sketches and paintings, and research about the internment. Obata’s art is mostly sumi black Chinese ink or pencil on white paper – often simple depictions of everyday camp life that serve as snapshots since cameras were not allowed inside. He may not have been a writer, but he captured the dust storms, the crowded living conditions, visitors meeting through barbed wire, as well as the beauty of the distant mountains.

My own mother used to be a talented artist and when telling me her childhood stories for Cherry Blossoms in Twilight, she often doodled to help explain her words. Fortunately I kept those sketches and was able to use many in the book – a picture is worth a thousand words, you know, and especially valuable as part of the essence of the person who created it.

Visuals in a memoir are a wonderful addition, from photos of artworks or craft pieces to the scanned handwriting from letters or recipe books to little scribblings or doodles. They illustrate more fully who the person is in ways that mere words cannot. Of course, photos of the memoir subject and their family are wonderful to see included. Most of us use the camera to document important events, but perhaps the most important events are the everyday ones. Those are the ones that really capture the personality and loves – a mother cooking, planting flowers, playing the piano or a father grilling a steak, sitting in a favorite car or kids sitting on the porch eating popsicles. Don’t forget the photos of a pet cat purring in a lap or a beloved dog getting his ears scratched. With a little extra thought, a memoir might expand into quite a three-dimensional picture.

Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
Posted in capturing memories | Comments Off on Using artwork and photos in memoir