Grandma’s Hands

Posted on March 1, 2008 by moonbridgebooks

My sister-in-law sent me an email making the rounds in cyberspace. It’s called Grandma’s Hands and reminded me of my own mother’s hands. At 82-years-old, her hands are gnarled from arthritis, thin and wrinkled with age. It is difficult for her to accept that her body is not what it used to be and she regularly examines her hands, saying “Look how ugly they are.” I tell her they are beautiful.

“These hands are the mark of where I’ve been…”

Her hands have been places and worked hard—far away, working to help her parents survive through WWII; selflessly raising two children and taking care of house and husband; painfully sewing all day to support her after a divorce.

“But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home.”

She is in her twilight days now. Her hands speak of a long life and many memories. They are her history, but they have left their mark on my life. Someday, my hands will be her hands. I hope I find them to be beautiful.

Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
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When Death Becomes a Good Thing

Posted on February 22, 2008 by moonbridgebooks

My friend in the nursing home is dying. For at least a couple years now, Mrs. B. has been hoping and praying for God to take her home soon. It has been later instead of sooner and so she is very ready. Fortunately, she is mostly comfortable thanks to strong drugs and is sleeping most of the time.

If we are lucky enough to live a long life, we may come to a point where there seems to be no point. Mrs. B. and my mother have reached that conclusion. Unlike Mrs. B., my mother’s health is good; it’s just her mind that is bad, and that frustrates her to no end. What good is it to live when you can’t remember anything and nothing is fun anymore. I tell her the sunsets are still pretty and the birds still sing, but that doesn’t placate her one bit.

There are many reasons our elders wish for death, but I suspect a major reason is boredom. What do you do when you become blind, can’t walk and have few visitors. What keeps you happy when you can’t remember what you just did and so you think you’ve done nothing for days on end. My mother and Mrs. B. are bored stiff and no one can really help that. One’s mind and one’s body doesn’t allow for happiness anymore. Both are now wayfaring strangers waiting to leave this world of woe. I tell my mother, “Take a number, there’s a long line of people praying to die ahead of you. Enjoy what you can while you can.”

So, if you have a relative in the nursing home, if you know someone who can no longer drive, please go see them or at least call regularly. Take them out of their dull routine. See if you can make them feel special, because they sure don’t feel special anymore. If their mind is still fairly good, ask them about their early days using specific questions such as what a parent was like, or what jobs they had, or how they met their spouse… “tell me again…” Prompt the memories of good old days. They may want to hear all about your life, living vicariously through you. The challenge is to engage them in life so that life is worth living.

Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
Posted in aging, death | 1 Comment

Internment Camp Experience

Posted on February 15, 2008 by moonbridgebooks

Last weekend I had the privilege of hearing an 88-year-old Japanese-American woman tell of her experiences in internment camps during WWII. For this university program, we first watched the movie American Pastime, set in the Topaz War Relocation Center in Utah, and then Janice told us her story. Hesitant at first, she became a delightful speaker showing a sense of droll humor that had us laughing as we learned. She had never seen American Pastime before and was astonished at how “rich” the Japanese-Americans seemed to be there—the people in the camps she lived in had had their bank accounts frozen and so had little money and were clothed in rags. After two months at a terrible temporary makeshift army barracks thrown together in California, the people were shipped to Arkansas where life was a little bit nicer although they were still prisoners crowded together and watched over by machine-gun wielding guards.

Janice’s eye-witness stories were eye-opening. She did not seem to have any bitterness, even though her family lost all they had. She was considered to be Japanese in America, but an American in Japan when she moved there soon after the war for family reasons. Ironically, she was treated as an alien in both countries.

Many people have been through bad experiences. Through the passage of time, their memories become softer, the emotions hazier with distance until they can speak their stories more easily. Today we are finding more WWII survivors willing to share their memories. There is so much to learn, and may we learn from their history.

Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
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