Relating to Your Teen

Posted on March 7, 2008 by moonbridgebooks

Last week I accompanied my daughter to Purdue University for a program for prospective students. While I didn’t look forward to the 4 ½ hour drive each way, I knew this would be a nice opportunity to spend rare mother-daughter time with my busy teen. We chatted about her friends, college choices and my own reminiscences about college days until I dozed off as my daughter drove through bleak winter farmlands asleep under a gray blanket of clouds. We arrived in time to grab Panera salads and rush back to the hotel room to watch the Oscars, lounging on plush beds, crunching croutons and commenting on pretty dresses and what we thought of the nominated movies. It was great spending casual time together.

Early in the unaccustomed eastern time zone, we dragged ourselves out of bed to experience the university together and have an amazing varied lunch spread at one of the school cafeterias—no limited choice of mush as in my day! After perusing some fun local shops, we headed home in darkening rain, taking turns driving and sleeping.

I’m afraid this was one of the few times I have left to spend with my nearly grown daughter before she leaves me for the difficulties and excitement of college life. I tried to make the most of it, appreciating the delight of sharing her life for a couple days despite occasional teen moments of irritation. I gave her my full attention and tried to listen without judging or thinking ahead about what to say or disagree with. I asked questions, we listened to her music CDs in the car, I tried not to be the parental unit for a change. We had a more grown-up relationship that was quite refreshing.

This week I came across a great article on becoming a better listener posted on the (not-so-) Dumb Little Man website. It is recommended reading for everyone, not just for business or for husband/wife relationships, but for parents and kids, too. The listening tips will go a long way towards a better relationship with your teen, letting him or her feel valued and more at ease in confiding and sharing their life. You’ll be modeling great relationship skills that hopefully your child will pick up on, too. We all want good memories of times spent with our teens.

http://www.dumblittleman.com/2008/03/becoming-better-listener.html

Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
Posted in living with teens | 1 Comment

Grandma’s Hands

Posted on March 1, 2008 by moonbridgebooks

My sister-in-law sent me an email making the rounds in cyberspace. It’s called Grandma’s Hands and reminded me of my own mother’s hands. At 82-years-old, her hands are gnarled from arthritis, thin and wrinkled with age. It is difficult for her to accept that her body is not what it used to be and she regularly examines her hands, saying “Look how ugly they are.” I tell her they are beautiful.

“These hands are the mark of where I’ve been…”

Her hands have been places and worked hard—far away, working to help her parents survive through WWII; selflessly raising two children and taking care of house and husband; painfully sewing all day to support her after a divorce.

“But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home.”

She is in her twilight days now. Her hands speak of a long life and many memories. They are her history, but they have left their mark on my life. Someday, my hands will be her hands. I hope I find them to be beautiful.

Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
Posted in grandparents | 1 Comment

When Death Becomes a Good Thing

Posted on February 22, 2008 by moonbridgebooks

My friend in the nursing home is dying. For at least a couple years now, Mrs. B. has been hoping and praying for God to take her home soon. It has been later instead of sooner and so she is very ready. Fortunately, she is mostly comfortable thanks to strong drugs and is sleeping most of the time.

If we are lucky enough to live a long life, we may come to a point where there seems to be no point. Mrs. B. and my mother have reached that conclusion. Unlike Mrs. B., my mother’s health is good; it’s just her mind that is bad, and that frustrates her to no end. What good is it to live when you can’t remember anything and nothing is fun anymore. I tell her the sunsets are still pretty and the birds still sing, but that doesn’t placate her one bit.

There are many reasons our elders wish for death, but I suspect a major reason is boredom. What do you do when you become blind, can’t walk and have few visitors. What keeps you happy when you can’t remember what you just did and so you think you’ve done nothing for days on end. My mother and Mrs. B. are bored stiff and no one can really help that. One’s mind and one’s body doesn’t allow for happiness anymore. Both are now wayfaring strangers waiting to leave this world of woe. I tell my mother, “Take a number, there’s a long line of people praying to die ahead of you. Enjoy what you can while you can.”

So, if you have a relative in the nursing home, if you know someone who can no longer drive, please go see them or at least call regularly. Take them out of their dull routine. See if you can make them feel special, because they sure don’t feel special anymore. If their mind is still fairly good, ask them about their early days using specific questions such as what a parent was like, or what jobs they had, or how they met their spouse… “tell me again…” Prompt the memories of good old days. They may want to hear all about your life, living vicariously through you. The challenge is to engage them in life so that life is worth living.

Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
Posted in aging, death | 1 Comment