The Problem of Bullying

My daughter’s elementary school works particularly hard at emphasizing treating others with respect and encouraging a positive attitude towards diversity and differences, hoping to instill the traits of respect, responsibility, honesty and kindness at a young age. I love it. Not all kids feel safe at their schools, not all kids feel valued. Halloween is coming and this brings me to the scary topic of bullying.

Despite a more “modern” attitude towards bullying than the old “boys will be boys” or “that’s just how kids are,” bullying still happens and many adults as well as kids have no clue how to discourage or stop it. And these days hidden bullying occurs through the internet. A couple books have come to my attention lately that deal with bullying. The first is called “Bullycide in America,” a powerful book compiled by Brenda High – an adult book that would be good for teachers, school administrators and counselors to read and, of course, parents of any child involved in a bullying situation. “Bullycide” contains researched information about bullying experiences, and it is eye-opening to see how some of these victimized kids not only don’t know what to do, but are afraid to talk about it or when they do talk they are not taken seriously by well-meaning adults who feel it will just go away or that next year things will be better. The title of the book indicates that these kids are susceptible to suicide in order to end the torment. Bullying is not something that can be taken lightly.

The second book, “Four-eyed Phillip” by Cynthia Dwyer of Thumbprint Press, is a colorfully illustrated children’s book that would be excellent for reading, especially in a classroom setting, to encourage discussion of the subject of bullying. At the end of the book is a series of questions that a parent or teacher can ask to draw out thoughts, experiences and solutions. “Four-eyed Phillip” can be the start of an important conversation.

It is important for all parents and teachers to talk about how people are different physically or developmentally or in personality, and that all deserve to be treated with respect. It is important to teach our kids not just to be accepting, but to understand the importance of being welcoming and supportive of a child who is new in town or feeling left out or being victimized. Kids (and maybe adults, too) need to learn techniques that can be used to help stop bullying. It is not as difficult to stand up against a bully if there are a lot of people standing along with you. Learning about bullying is not just for victims, but for all of us who may someday be called to stand up and help.

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=53xKVl-paI8

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Memories of Grandmothers

Recently we traveled north to attend the memorial service of our Great MaMa. Just shy of her 96th birthday, Great MaMa left a world she could no longer see or enjoy. Her family celebrated the long and blessing-filled life of a strong-willed woman, a rather typical trait, I think, of her generation of women who lived and raised families through simple times of little money and hard work. Great MaMa was very close to her youngest daughter, my step-mom, and our family is fortunate that this daughter took the time to work with a legacy journal to capture many stories of her mother’s life. I’ve heard some of them, shaking my head at how she and her new husband spent their honeymoon traveling south through terribly hot weather to see a sister who could not come to the wedding, but just begged they visit her so she could somehow feel a connection to the celebration. They spent a few days sweltering in her tiny house, sleeping on the floor. All this instead of the (cooler!) Wisconsin Dells vacation they had planned. Now THAT is family love (and sacrifice!). I remember how my own sister and I enjoyed a quiet visit several years ago with blind and wheel-chaired Great MaMa, asking her to tell us about Great PaPa … oh, she enjoyed reminiscing about the love of her life, whom she missed dearly, and we sure learned a lot! At a time when there wasn’t much that this once proudly independent woman could do anymore, she felt valued as she contributed so much to the conversation.

Last summer, at the very end of an infrequent family gathering, my stepmom took a photo of a very frail Great MaMa, sitting in her wheelchair on the deck, surrounded by her beloved grandson and his family of four children, flowers everywhere in the background. It turned out so beautiful… such a forever treasure that almost wasn’t, had my stepmom not been thinking ahead.

Ask the questions sooner than later. Tell your own stories sooner than later. Take a lot of pictures. Give a lot of hugs. We don’t know who will live to be 96.

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War Cake

Jean Larson Steck of St. Louis was watching “The War” on PBS and remembered a certain cake recipe of her grandmother’s. Finally, Jean understood how this “War Cake” got its name – it was made without eggs, which were a scarce commodity during the time of rationing. She planned to bake it for her own children and explain its history. Lucky woman, she has the recipe written in her grandmother’s handwriting! Here is the recipe below for this spice cake, taken from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch:

War Cake

1 ½ c brown sugar packed
2 c water
3 tbsp shortening
2 c raisins
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground allspice
½ tsp ground cloves
½ tsp ground nutmeg
1 tsp salt
3 c all—purpose flour
2 tsp baking soda
½ c chopped nuts (optional)
¼ c candied citrus peel (optional)

Combine sugar, water, shortening, raisins, spices and salt in a saucepan, bring to boil for 5 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool. Stir in flour and baking soda. May add optional nuts and/or peel. Transfer to a greased 9”x9” pan, bake at 325 degrees for 40 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.

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