Caring for Aging Parents

Posted on September 17, 2006 by moonbridgebooks

I have been so busy lately between work, researching for the second edition of the Cherry Blossoms book, kids starting school, and caring for my mother. Unfortunately my mother was diagnosed with early Altzheimer’s. She is very forgetful and knows it, which makes her depressed. I try to encourage her and support her, but it is difficult. Patience is not my best virtue. As I live in a household where the dog listens best, having my mother seemingly not pay any attention to what I say is about the last straw. Yes, my voice sometimes gets sharp; it makes my mother nervous and even more forgetful. I told her to speak up and remind me to calm down. I need her help in that. I have read up on literature provided by Altzheimer’s organizations and know this is going to be my big challenge in life, this learning patience.

I am so glad that I finished Cherry Blossoms in Twilight while my mother was just in the early stages of losing her memory. Now, I know her stories better than she. She still has times when her memory sharpens as she thinks of the old days, but the new days are just not there. It is difficult to look forward to anything and every day becomes the same when you can’t remember what happened. For now she safely lives in a senior apartment complex, but stays with me often partly so I can make sure she is eating well.

My stepmom’s mother, who is nearly blind, has just learned that she will probably not walk again. She, too, is fighting depression and the thought that there is nothing left to live for. She, too, is upset that she who was once strong and vibrant must now depend on others for help. We can say these older ladies are spoiled indeed to have children who care for them and a nice place to stay, but it is still difficult for them to face the future. What can we children do but be there with love and hugs and encouraging words. The sun will still shine warmly on their faces, the birds still sing for them, the flowers are still beautiful and sweet. We have to point out the beauty that remains for them, constantly push the darkness back for them. That is our labor of love that they deserve from us.

Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
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Parenting a Teen

Posted on August 25, 2006 by moonbridgebooks


Parenting a teen is enough to turn your hair gray overnight. Sometimes it can seem like you’re raising Jekyl and Hyde. Everything is going ok, then suddenly it’s not and they hate you. You don’t understand! Well, the time to start understanding and building the bonds you need to hold your teen to you was years ago, but if you’re just starting now, well, people CAN change.

Teens may want a buddy parent, and they really need a boss-parent, but there’s a happy medium. They need firm limitations, but also a calm and guiding light – a safe person in their life. They want you to be interested in them (even as they push you aside), and especially in this day and age they need someone to hug them and help them through tough spots and the inevitable mistakes in judgement. Not to mean fixing things up for them, rather helping THEM to think things through and take the responsibility for their decisions. We tend to learn best by experiencing consequences, within reason… you do want your child alive.

We had an “experience” recently that was worrisome to us as parents. Our child was guilty of being in a bad spot. Being in a bad spot can lead to temptation as well as guilt by association. Being in a bad spot can get you into big trouble. Although we were angry we listened to her, trying not to attack her judgment yet helping her understand the seriousness of the occasion and our expectations. We had to try VERY HARD to listen and to control our anger. I had to remind her that we would be more than happy to come get her out of a bad situation, and that she can freely use “big, bad parents” as an excuse to help avoid getting into a bad situation. Oh, there is so much to talk about with your teen to help prepare them for the trials and temptations of the world.

One bit of “parenting your teen” advice I read about somewhere: if your child comes home after you have gone to bed, have them come into your room and kiss you goodnight. That way, you know they have returned safely and you can smell them. Yes – it can be very important to smell what your child has been up to!

Letting your teen know that you love and care for them, are interested in their life, and that you are there to help them if they get in a bad spot will go a long ways towards keeping the Jekyl around. We all have our values, but being harsh and judgemental will only drive your child away. You want to make them feel ok about confiding in you, then guide them with your values. So easy to say… but, hopefully you’ll survive the teen years without too much trouble and end up with some laughs and happy memories.

http://www.focusas.com/Parenting.html

Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
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Volunteering at School

Posted on August 19, 2006 by moonbridgebooks

The kids are enjoying their last few days of summer relaxation; the parents, especially the stay-home moms, are counting the days until their lively charges get back into the structure of school. Now is the time for “parent homework” as I call it, filling out all the paperwork, updating school information, signing up for committees, writing checks to the school. It’s time to think about how involved you’re going to be in your child’s life during the school day.

Volunteering at school can help your elementary age child in several different ways. If your child is new to the school or is having social difficulties within the classroom, being a parent helper can smooth your child’s path. If there are behavioral problems you will be there to see them in person and be better able to help your child with his own behavior or to deal with the behaviors of others. Volunteering shows your child as well as others that people care enough to give their time freely, which in turn sets a good example for them. At that age it is cool to have your mom or dad involved at school, so take advantage of that while you can!

I have been volunteering at our elementary school for years as a classroom helper and as a library assistant. I enjoy getting to know my kids’ classmates and find it very satisfying to be able to help them understand their math or to know their phonics, or to give a little reading or presentation that they find fascinating (we had fun the time I read a rap version of Little Red Riding Hood from “Yo, Hungry Wolf.” The kids know that I am there for them and that I care for them, and so they say “hi” in the hallways or give me hugs. That’s a sweet reward for me. Many kids are just plain full of love and smiles, but some kids might come from homes where they can use all the love they can get, and I am happy to give what I can.

When classmates get to know and like you, that gives your child an “in” with them. Shy or new kids get a helping hand from having a friendly parent who’s popular with their classmates. You can encourage other kids to work with your child in a group for reading or math work, or for any free time educational fun. Our school has “First Friday Reading” where on the morning of the first Friday of the month, the first 20 minutes of class is set aside for parents to come in and read with their child. If a parent is thoughtful, he or she can gather a “parentless” child or two and have a little group reading. You can show children the value of being thoughtful and including others who may feel left out.

It is also important to know your child’s classmates so you can participate better in the old “so what happened in school today” question asked at the dinner table. By that time, it can be too late for your child to remember (little minds quickly go on to other things), so you can ask about who they played with or whether anyone got in trouble – you know, the important stuff! Not every parent can help out regularly at school, but at the least find out the names of the kids in class and ask your child about them… be a part of their daily school life even if you can’t be there. Your child will have a parent buddy who knows what’s going on in their life.

I have seen how happy and excited children can get when a parent (or two) shows up at school, and I have seen how wistful others can be when their parent has not been able to attend an event. Think about escaping from work sometime when your child’s class has an event that welcomes parents. Think about signing up to help be it every couple weeks, a bit of time once a month, at the occasional party, or chaperoning a field trip. Parent volunteering – or just showing up at a daytime school event – makes your young child feel valued. They will remember those times when you showed you cared.


Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
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