Recently a well-known public figure, to many, at least, was assassinated in a public forum, horrifying onlookers including his family and the audience that included children. Controversial quotes from him are all over the internet, including his belittling of empathy as a “made-up, new age term that has caused a lot of damage.” Jesus must have been “new age” as He often felt deeply, was even deeply moved to tears enough to do a miracle of healing amidst the wailing of others (John 11:33-35). This particular public figure, though, preferred “compassion” and “sympathy.” I can’t find how he thought empathy is damaging, although too much can make you anxious and even feel depressed and helpless.
I advocate life writing and reading memoirs, articles, essays, even poems about other people’s experiences because I think it does result in empathy and understanding. Not particularly sympathy as that, to me, is a superficial emotion. Sympathetic thoughts and prayers do little to help or understand anyone. Sympathy is easy—aww, I’m sorry, and maybe you’ll send a card or bring over cookies. Compassion, like sympathy, is also standing apart and observing and feeling sad for someone but a little deeper. It can manifest as pity. It might push you to active support, or not.
Empathy is deeper, stronger, to the heart, maybe because of your own related experiences or you have a new understanding. Empathy can make you want to actively do something to help, and not just help one person. Empathy can push us to try to change things for the better, because you better understand how someone feels. When you see something unjust or tragic, even an abused animal, it’s not sympathy, it is empathy that makes you feel deeply enough to want to help somehow.
I’ve read memoirs of people suffering grief, who have lived through wars, who live with disabilities, who are adopted and struggling with emotions, who were abused, who lived in abject poverty. When you read, you become part of their story, walking alongside them. You find understanding and you become aware of lives outside your own little self. Your mind opens to new thoughts and experiences.
This world and the US are deeply troubled, and from listening to others via news and comments (if you dare read them) on social media, too many people are full of ignorance and lack of empathy, leading to cold hearts and vicious comments. Many people need to not walk in someone else’s shoes but walk beside someone to better understand circumstances different from what their limited knowledge and understanding (and perhaps closed, judgmental minds) allow. But with all the nastiness that assails us, realize that there really are more good people than mean. Let’s hope the light overcomes the darkness.
Today, Sept 21, is the International Day of Peace. “Peace cannot be achieved by force, it can only be achieved by understanding,” said Albert Einstein. Understanding can lead to empathy and action.
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