Pregnant Women, Beware of Catholic Hospitals

Posted on December 17, 2023 by moonbridgebooks

A young couple in our family recently suffered a tragedy made worse by a catholic hospital’s “ethics” committee. Their pregnancy had such a serious complication that the baby, in second trimester, was doomed, and the grieving mother became incapacitated, bedridden and with no appetite due to stress and discomfort. The baby was left literally high and dry, compressed in a little prison where it could hardly move. The hospital’s rigid ethics committee insisted the two wait like that until the baby eventually died or the mother developed a deadly infection. Both were trapped in terrible situations, and for how many days to satisfy the hospital’s version of “ethics”? And would the couple be bankrupted by hospital bills for their forced extended stay? Our state’s “no exception” rule would approve of this.

The entire family was devastated, grieving and horrified. The doctors went to bat twice with the ethics committee, which refused to consider mercy and did not have the guts or courtesy to send one of their members to visit the couple to explain or show any sort of empathy. In the end, the mother was taken away from that hospital for care elsewhere.

Fortunately, the nurses and doctors in both locations were wonderfully caring. These days a purple butterfly on the door of the room identifies (and warns) there is a life-threatening complication going on, so staff know to be watchful and extra gentle with the parents. The baby died during delivery and was cradled with immense love and sadness—a profound experience to behold this perfect, very wanted child that had to die. The parents went home to recover from trauma with treasured mementos from caring groups that provide for parents who have suffered loss.

I tell this story as a warning for pregnant women to be aware of the risk of giving birth in a catholic hospital–and in a state with strict laws against care–in case of ectopic pregnancy or something else that goes terribly wrong. Even if the state allows compassionate care, a catholic hospital’s ethics committee can make their own rules. If you are imprisoned in a bad situation, do what you can to leave for care, by ambulance or otherwise. I have told this story to many, and all, including Christians, were horrified.

Jesus, speaking about pharisees: “They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them” (Matthew 23:4).

Posted in death, overcoming | 2 Comments

Family gatherings, dysfunction, and life stories

Posted on November 19, 2023 by moonbridgebooks

Entering the season for family gatherings, Pastor Katie gave such an appropriate sermon today. Do you have a family member who gives you heartburn? Do you know why that person is like that? Perhaps you are aware that your own way of thinking and behaving bothers others. Pastor Katie spoke about how we can inherit the trauma of our ancestors, often unconsciously, but if we are aware of how we pass along this trauma we can break the cycle.

We are each shaped by our family histories and our lived experiences. As a child, I thought my mother’s way of thinking was sometimes on the edge of bizarre. It was not until I sat with her to learn her early life stories to write her memoir, Cherry Blossoms in Twilight, that I became enlightened. She was the product of her very traditional Japanese culture, of poverty and WWII survival, and of how her parents treated her. And so I became an advocate of getting the stories of parents and grandparents to understand how their thinking and behavior affect the next generations, including us and how we will treat our own children. The understanding can bring “forgiveness of sins,” asked for or not, although it’s impossible to forget behavior that hurt us badly.

Most important, becoming aware of how our upbringing and experiences may be contributing negatively to our relationship with others, especially our family members, can lead to change. We can be “born anew,” so to speak. On the plus side, as Pastor Katie said, our ancestors who experienced difficulties may have passed along attributes of patience, resilience, and love! My dad said his mother “was a saint” as she was able to rise above her life circumstances and always be a gentle, kind woman without bitterness. Her sons grew up to be hardworking, gentle, and kind men who took good care of their sweet mother.

Pastor Katie left us with this thought: “We can become the world we want to see… There can be a better story.”

(In July I featured Jeanne Felfe who published her mother’s story of being able to break her family’s cycle of abuse. Her book is I Want to Live! My Journey Beyond Generational Child Abuse.)

Posted in family gathering, grandparents, overcoming, raising kids, relationship | Tagged | Leave a comment

Remembering 1940s Chicago and 1950s Japan

Posted on November 12, 2023 by moonbridgebooks

My dad had an unconventional childhood as member of a farming family scraping by in 1930s to 1950s Chicagoland—in the midst of growing suburbs they had milk cows and grew crops. Dad’s father drove tractors down the streets to get to threshing jobs for other farmers, when O’Hare Airport was just a big area of orchard (ORcharD) and corn. Then in the late 1950s, Dad was stationed in Japan (post Occupation) with the U.S. Army and loved exploring the recovering country, especially the rural areas where old ways of life existed. Several years ago, in an old trunk he had inherited from his mother, Dad discovered a stack of letters he had written home about his experiences and impressions. His mother had saved them all.

I used the saved letters to write Dad’s memoir for him, at least the military service part. For most people, turning a bunch of old letters into a story is a daunting task. Dad was able to write most of his Chicagoland childhood memories, though, and I put them into good order. He and I worked the manuscript over to the satisfaction of us both, then I formatted it into book form and added photos. This month I finished, and my family is so pleased with the resulting 8.5×11 paperback printed via Lulu.com. My 91-year-old dad is thrilled—priceless!

Together, Dad and I saved some very interesting history. The family was fascinated by his stories and Dad loves remembering. Some very cool old print and slide photos are now in a book, easy to see. I sense that Dad is pleased his life stories are important to us—worth all the trouble of writing and publishing. Who would not feel important as the star of a book!

See also my post on: Publishing two more family memoirs with Lulu

Posted in capturing memories, ghostwriting, history, lifewriting, memoir writing | Tagged , , | 3 Comments