Frank McCourt view of memoirs

Frank McCourt has died but leaves a legacy in memoir with Angela’s Ashes, the story of his hardscrabble Irish upbringing. While he has been called the inventor of the “misery memoir,” and indeed his debut work has been followed by many other sob stories of abuse and disorder that seem to compete with one other for the worst of the worst, according to McCourt, “one of the good things about a memoir is looking for something bigger than yourself, you know; something important in your life, rather than just the life itself.” Such is what can make a memoir a cut above the others. A memoir should not be just a rehashing of tears, a perpetual whining, an unremittant complaining, but a look beyond to lessons learned, an enlightenment, a healing, a historical perspective.

McCourt has been accused of exaggerating too much, of making up conversations he couldn’t possibly have remembered as a small boy, but McCourt has an important comment about that, too, in his 2001 interview with Spiked magazine:

“A memoir is an impression of your life, and that gives you a certain amount of leeway. If an autobiography is like a photograph, then a memoir is more like a painting. So I’ve always said to my critics, This is my impression of my life, so what are you gonna do about it?’

McCourt states that memoir is the twin sister to fiction. There is a fine line between memoir and fiction, though, and while both aim to tell a good story the fiction line is crossed when you enter the realm of pure fabrication. Memoir writers are similar to artists who are free to take “artistic license” to re-create a real life snapshot. They add or subtract, alter colors and perspective. Memoir writers can do the same, but obviously in lesser degree to capture our own reality without outright lying or distortion of factual history. Isn’t that a nice thought – we are the Monet’s of the writing world!

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Senior Care Centers filled with great stories

It was a storytelling kind of day. I have become friends with some of the ladies living in the senior care center with my mother. Kate is a good storyteller, and so I decided to type her childhood tales into a booklet. Today I brought six pages to her when I came to join the ladies at lunch. She was thrilled. She said she wished she had thought to keep a journal while she was growing up, or to have thought to write down her stories years ago because she is forgetting. She thought everyone should keep a journal so they can remember the details of how their lives used to be. Things change, you know.

Kate had lost both parents by age 13, during the Depression years. Surprisingly, no one came to take the kids to an orphanage. The oldest brother quit high school to work to support his young siblings. Kate had the house to take care of and three little brothers, the youngest only seven. She quit school soon after, during eighth grade, after spinal meningitis took away the use of her legs to where she could only pull herself along the floor. Somehow she recovered fully without ever going to the hospital or getting medicine. Kindly neighbors and their pastor kept an eye on the children, but everyone was struggling in those days, so the kids had to make do on their own with minimum help. I will leave her hilarious story of their first Thanksgiving on their own to a November blog post.

Edie cried as she told us her story today, the first time we had heard it. She was born in Germany and barely survived WWII. Her parents were gunned down by Russian soldiers – her mother’s last words to her, “Get down, get down!” Fifteen-year-old Edie was dumped alive into a big trash bin along with her dead parents. Her grandmother pulled her out. Not long after, the Americans were welcomed into town, the soldiers admiring Edie’s long blond hair. She and other orphans were sent to the United States, where she found a home with a relative. She carries treasured memories of her mother wearing a long skirt and waltzing with her in the living room.

Our senior residences and nursing homes are like libraries, each person a book waiting to be read. If we do not bother to open those books, the stories will die. What a shame to lose those historic, fascinating, funny, and sad tales. Imagine if I had not bothered to care, to ask, to listen… “I might have gone on my way empty hearted.”*

*from the Fascination waltz.

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Cooking up favorite memories and recipes

Today is a big birthday for me – AARP is after me now! I’m okay with this, but wanted the day kept low key. My girls insisted on making me one of my favorite cakes – from scratch! – one which I have not made in ages. And that reminds me of the importance of passing on favorite recipes.

It’s easy to assume our parents and grandparents will be around forever to cook our favorite foods, and how many people write to the newspapers or cooking magazines asking if others know a recipe like their dear mom used to make. My mom was a good cook in her day, before dementia stole her abilities. As kids my sister and I drooled over her meaty enchiladas, golden sweet potato tempura, wontons like you’ve never had in any restaurant, her angel food cake concoctions. My mom-in-law makes such hearty, lip-smacking, southern-style meals that people hire her to cater their special events. My step-mom, too, can lay a spread for a crowd like nobody’s business, including her yum dilly potato salad. For my own little family, I am waiting for the day my husband goes off his seemingly perpetual diet and the kids grow up enough to be less picky. Meanwhile, I have collected my favorite mom recipes for that someday time.

Heaven forbid we lose our favorite mom recipes. And imagine how treasured they would be if in Mom’s own handwriting! It’s a good idea to watch your favorite food being made so you’ve had some experience with it and can ask questions, because you know there can be finer nuances accompanying a written recipe. I’m so glad my mom taught me how to fold those wontons, I’m so glad my mom-in-law showed me how to make the dumplings just right in chicken and dumplings. And what better way to make memories and bond with someone than by cooking together!

Angel Apricot Nectar Cake

One angel food cake, baked from mix
1qt 14oz can apricot nectar
2 c sugar
½ c cornstarch
Large tub whipped cream (Cool Whip)

Tear up cake into medium size chunks, place in bottom of 13”x9” cake pan. In large bowl stir together sugar and cornstarch, add 1 cup nectar and mix well. Pour remaining nectar into a medium size saucepan and simmer until thick. Pour over the cake pieces. Cool, then cover with whipped cream and refrigerate. Beautiful when made into a trifle in glass bowl(s).

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