Natalie Goldberg on Writing Memoir

Unfortunately I was late to Natalie Goldberg’s talk about memoir writing, but I did come home with notes and a signed copy of her famed classic Writing Down the Bones. Ms. Goldberg read from her new writing memoir Old Friend From Far Away, inspiring the audience as well as herself as she hadn’t looked at her new release since it was first published in hardcover early last year. Her new book is filled with writing prompts such as “What do you know that you don’t want to know – go, ten minutes.” She read a beautiful descriptive example of a moment in Paris to illustrate how you should write “so others can feel what we felt and be enlarged.” She disclosed that the book was written in the throes of heartbreak, after a long-term relationship ended. She hiked in the woods, stopping to write chapters as they came to her.

I raised my hand to say that unless there is a defining event in one’s life, many memoir writers have a difficult time connecting their smaller stories, and asked if she had any comments on how to connect those dots. She referred me to one of her earlier books, Thunder and Lightning, and said we must find that link that brings it all together – “what throbs, what beats” through the stories. She also commented that in order to tell the past, you must be in the present and you will be informing the future…something to think about.

Ms. Goldberg was quite inspiring as she urged us all to write our memoirs not as a selfish endeavor, but to give pleasure to others – to “surrender ourselves as an act of generosity to others… Because it all goes down the drain when you die!”

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Picking Cotton – Eye Witness Memory

I listened to a remarkable Diane Rehm Show the other day about a case of mistaken identity that landed an innocent man in prison. While we sometimes hear of this, what makes this case memorable is how the crime victim, Jennifer Thompson-Cannino, was absolutely dead sure she had picked the right man who raped her. Through her ordeal, she focused on survival and burning her assailant’s image into her brain so that he could be caught and put away. Based on her witness, Ronald Cotton was sent to jail in 1984 with a life term plus 50 years. Jennifer felt she had saved the women of America from this man. Unfortunately, she was wrong.

Eleven years later, through a new technology called DNA testing, Ronald Cotton was found innocent, and another man – who looked very similar to him – was found guilty and confessed. Jennifer was devastated by what she had done. Her memory had deceived her. Plagued by nightmares and fear of retribution, she finally asked to meet. Ronald, with gracious mercy, forgave her and set them both on a path of healing and activism. Ronald and Jennifer have written a book together, Picking Cotton, to detail their story. It is a frightening learning experience about the fallibility of memory. Jennifer had made an honest mistake that could have destroyed a man’s life, and what about other crime cases where strangers are identified based on eye witness and then convicted with no DNA evidence?

What is it with memory? Jennifer KNEW this was the man, beyond doubt, and the jury believed her. Is our lesson to always doubt what we see? Can we trust our memories, will our memoirs ever be the truth? For most of us this is not a life-altering question, we are not faced with being asked probing questions that may confuse or lead us to make mistakes. For those of us who aren’t crime witnesses, it does indicate that we might want to discuss some of our memories of events with others who were also there at the time. Is our perception greatly different from that of the others? Feelings, emotions, stress – which should not be negated in a memoir – can cloud what really happened. Augustin Burroughs would have been smart to ask his own family to verify his version of events before publishing Running With Scissors! When we collaborate with others we might find more of the truth, and we might even find ourselves recalling even more detail to add to our stories. On the other hand, beware of one person leading us to memories that never were. Collaborate, sift, think, then write your truth.

“If you accept that the way we think, perceive, reason, and judge is not always perfect, then it’s easy to understand why cognitive processes and the factors influencing these processes are studied by psychologists in matters of law; not least because of the grave implications that this imperfection can have within the criminal justice system.” –from All About Forensic Psychology

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Got Culture – Or Just an Average White Guy?

I loved this article by John Keilman of the Chicago Tribune: Feel You Have No Real Culture? Join the Club. Of course, I’ve got culture. Even my husband from the hills of Tennessee has culture. But poor John is a really average white guy. What to do when your kid comes home needing to bring food from his heritage for an international classroom dinner? After writing about how you can’t judge a country or a people by a book, I like Keilman’s view of our extreme melting pot of culture in the U.S. resulting in a savory stew of cultures that we’re all eagerly devouring. Really, it’s becoming a global thing what with technology, the spread of information, and easy world travel. Just regarding my own culture, you don’t have to be Japanese to dress anime or eat sushi, and you don’t have to be American to sing country karaoke in English in a Ginza bar (as my husband found out on a business trip). Keilman says, “Culture constricts as much as it defines, and if we can blunt a few blood feuds with skinny jeans, then may Hot Topic spread to all the nations of the earth.” It’s nice to have “your” culture, but it’s also nice to share.

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