Developing Self Esteem

This is a subject dear to the hearts of educators and child-care workers. Yes, sometimes they go overboard, but all of us need to learn that we are worthwhile human beings, and outside of what some other people think or say about us. Each of us has certain talents and strong points that make us special in some way. Each of us deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

We have a duty to help our children learn self-respect and self-worth. The world is full of people who would take advantage of others if allowed… and yes, we ALLOW them to do it by giving in to their demands, doing all the work because they won’t help, putting up with their mistreatment of us, and otherwise refusing to stand up for ourselves. This can get very dangerous when you consider what happens to women (and sometimes men) who are in abusive relationships.

We owe it to our youngsters to tell them they are loved no matter what, in spite of temper tantrums or messy rooms. My child recently asked me if I would still love her if she accidentally burned the house down! Teens especially need to know they are loved and appreciated, in spite of being REALLY difficult. That is an age where a LOT of love and understanding mixed with firmness and advice is needed to help get past the trials of life. Praise your children when they do well at something, tell them their good points and acknowledge their talents. Don’t be fooled – even talented or popular or straight-A kids can feel inferior. Grow your children independent and strong and, above all, teach them that they are worthy of being loved and treated well.

Recommended books: Momma Do You Love Me?, Girls on Track: A Parent’s Guide, Dads and Daughters (for raising teen girls)

Posted in living with teens, raising kids | Comments Off on Developing Self Esteem

Family Vacation in Paradise

Our family recently returned from a trip to the Bahamas, compliments of the Dad’s business trip. The rest of us just couldn’t help but follow him to Paradise Island. While I won’t say it was relaxing for me as I followed my youngest daughter around the water park every day at the resort or accompanied my teenager on shopping excursions, it was wonderful to spend a lot of time with the girls. I had been very busy before we left and my little girl was feeling neglected so she really enjoyed my nearly undivided attention for the week. It was great to spend time with my usually on-the-go teenager, too (she even got me to go down a couple big water slides with her). While my husband was either working or golfing, us girls had a lot of fun together. We came home tan and tired!

Vacations can actually be a lot of extra work for mothers who in general not only have to prepare job, house and pets for leaving, pack for most of the family, still take care of the kids and, once home again, wash piles of laundry. But, the time spent away from everyday chores allows us to focus almost solely on our family members and get to really know them again as we play together, laugh together, talk together, and perhaps see and learn new things together. What a great escape that enables us to share feelings and experiences, making memories all together.

PS: No, we did not go to Anna Nicole’s funeral even though it was nearby and a certain teenager was not happy about missing it.

Posted in family vacation | Comments Off on Family Vacation in Paradise

Bad Memories – Part II

Some people have nightmares that are permanently locked away in a closet in their mind. You have to respect the fact that they are unable to open the door – just leave those times alone. That is the way they survive terrible horrors of their past. They might, however, be willing to recall normal times, or the good times before or after the bad memories. You can ask what their parents or grandparents or siblings were like, where they lived, type of clothes they wore or food they ate, songs they remember.

It is possible for monsters to be killed or at least shrunk to a manageable size by opening the door to shine a light on them. A burden can also be lifted by sharing it with others who can offer support and help find healthy ways to cope. Anger may be dissipated, fear may be overcome, shame may be overwhelmed by love and understanding.

Many of us have hurtful memories in our past. We carry those memories within and they are part of who we have become. If we aim at keeping a strong positive attitude, we can look those memories in the face and go beyond them. I like to remind my mother not to dwell on the “spilled milk” of yesterday and instead look at each day anew. In the end, all our memories and the feelings they bring out have shaped us and in turn can shape our children. By speaking the memories out loud, we let our families understand us and each other better and encourage deeper bonding as we share our lives and our hearts.

How I wish I had known about some of my mother’s bad experiences earlier – so I would have been able to understand her better and been more compassionate.

Posted in bad memories | Comments Off on Bad Memories – Part II