Cheese Blintzes and Family Trees

There was a lovely article in the St. Louis Post Dispatch this week about three women who created an album of their history spanning five generations. These cousins at first did not even know they were related and were excited to accidentally find each other. Thus it goes with big families! The fun part of their project was that they based their family history book on cooking. Coming from a Jewish heritage, their lives were often centered around the kitchen. They collected recipes from their oldest living generation, in their 80’s, who also shared their stories. Many recipes had to be adapted. You know how in the old days our mothers used a pinch of this and a handful of that. The resulting spiral-bound 8 ½ x 11 inch book contains 80 family recipes and a family tree. There is even a glossary of Jewish terms for the “goys” in the family.

I have to say, the photos of the beautifully golden cheese blintzes covered in sour cream and raspberries look SO delicious! My Japanese heritage doesn’t have anything like that!

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Caring for Aging Parents

I have been so busy lately between work, researching for the second edition of the Cherry Blossoms book, kids starting school, and caring for my mother. Unfortunately my mother was diagnosed with early Altzheimer’s. She is very forgetful and knows it, which makes her depressed. I try to encourage her and support her, but it is difficult. Patience is not my best virtue. As I live in a household where the dog listens best, having my mother seemingly not pay any attention to what I say is about the last straw. Yes, my voice sometimes gets sharp; it makes my mother nervous and even more forgetful. I told her to speak up and remind me to calm down. I need her help in that. I have read up on literature provided by Altzheimer’s organizations and know this is going to be my big challenge in life, this learning patience.

I am so glad that I finished Cherry Blossoms in Twilight while my mother was just in the early stages of losing her memory. Now, I know her stories better than she. She still has times when her memory sharpens as she thinks of the old days, but the new days are just not there. It is difficult to look forward to anything and every day becomes the same when you can’t remember what happened. For now she safely lives in a senior apartment complex, but stays with me often partly so I can make sure she is eating well.

My stepmom’s mother, who is nearly blind, has just learned that she will probably not walk again. She, too, is fighting depression and the thought that there is nothing left to live for. She, too, is upset that she who was once strong and vibrant must now depend on others for help. We can say these older ladies are spoiled indeed to have children who care for them and a nice place to stay, but it is still difficult for them to face the future. What can we children do but be there with love and hugs and encouraging words. The sun will still shine warmly on their faces, the birds still sing for them, the flowers are still beautiful and sweet. We have to point out the beauty that remains for them, constantly push the darkness back for them. That is our labor of love that they deserve from us.

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Parenting a Teen


Parenting a teen is enough to turn your hair gray overnight. Sometimes it can seem like you’re raising Jekyl and Hyde. Everything is going ok, then suddenly it’s not and they hate you. You don’t understand! Well, the time to start understanding and building the bonds you need to hold your teen to you was years ago, but if you’re just starting now, well, people CAN change.

Teens may want a buddy parent, and they really need a boss-parent, but there’s a happy medium. They need firm limitations, but also a calm and guiding light – a safe person in their life. They want you to be interested in them (even as they push you aside), and especially in this day and age they need someone to hug them and help them through tough spots and the inevitable mistakes in judgement. Not to mean fixing things up for them, rather helping THEM to think things through and take the responsibility for their decisions. We tend to learn best by experiencing consequences, within reason… you do want your child alive.

We had an “experience” recently that was worrisome to us as parents. Our child was guilty of being in a bad spot. Being in a bad spot can lead to temptation as well as guilt by association. Being in a bad spot can get you into big trouble. Although we were angry we listened to her, trying not to attack her judgment yet helping her understand the seriousness of the occasion and our expectations. We had to try VERY HARD to listen and to control our anger. I had to remind her that we would be more than happy to come get her out of a bad situation, and that she can freely use “big, bad parents” as an excuse to help avoid getting into a bad situation. Oh, there is so much to talk about with your teen to help prepare them for the trials and temptations of the world.

One bit of “parenting your teen” advice I read about somewhere: if your child comes home after you have gone to bed, have them come into your room and kiss you goodnight. That way, you know they have returned safely and you can smell them. Yes – it can be very important to smell what your child has been up to!

Letting your teen know that you love and care for them, are interested in their life, and that you are there to help them if they get in a bad spot will go a long ways towards keeping the Jekyl around. We all have our values, but being harsh and judgemental will only drive your child away. You want to make them feel ok about confiding in you, then guide them with your values. So easy to say… but, hopefully you’ll survive the teen years without too much trouble and end up with some laughs and happy memories.

http://www.focusas.com/Parenting.html

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