The legacy of a child

Posted on October 31, 2009 by moonbridgebooks

Six-year-old Elena Desserich died of brain cancer in 2007, but she left behind treasures for her family that became a book for everyone. Notes Left Behind is a tribute to Elena and helps to raise funds for The Cure Starts Now, a foundation started by her parents supporting research towards curing pediatric brain cancer. Perhaps you’ve heard about Elena’s story on Good Morning America or the Today show.

Elena was an artist, and when she became sick, and especially after she lost her ability to speak, she began drawing pictures and writing notes to her parents, her little sister, other relatives, even her great-aunt’s dog. After her death, her parents began finding notes hidden not just in Elena’s room but in their own books and dresser drawers, in a briefcase, in a box of Christmas ornaments. They were the simple drawings and misspelled notes of a beginning writer, but Elena’s mother thinks they were her daughter’s way of letting them know everything would be okay. Each note found was “like a little hug from her.” Elena’s parents did everything they could to hide from her the fact that her illness was terminal. Did Elena sense the end coming and want to leave love notes behind, or was she just a prolific and fun-loving artist expressing herself?

Elena’s father kept a personal journal for younger daughter Grace during the family’s ordeal so that she might know her sister, but the idea grew into something larger. Notes Left Behind is a sad and unflinching story of how a family coped with having a child with cancer, but is also about capturing “the love, the compassion, the minutes of life – not necessarily the milestones.” A reminder for all.

Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
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Inheriting emotional pain

Posted on October 16, 2009 by moonbridgebooks

Bending Toward the Sun by Leslie Gilbert-Lurie is a new memoir out this fall that delves into an interesting concept of whether one person’s emotional trauma can be inherited, in a sense, by their children and grandchildren. Little Rita Lurie lived through the Holocaust hidden in a tiny dark attic, near starving with fourteen other family members. She watched her mother and brother die and after the war wandered for years with the rest of her family looking for a country that would accept them. Many years later, in California, Lurie’s grown up and successful daughter probed into her mother’s childhood and discovered the fear and guilt that remained embedded in her character, and despite a deep mother’s love for her children, the effect of the pain was passed on to her daughter and filtered down even to her granddaughter. Bending Toward the Sun is now on my reading list.

Writing my own mother’s memoir, Cherry Blossoms in Twilight, I also discovered how her childhood pain and trauma permanently affected her, and thus my sister and I. When painful emotions do not heal well, the wounds can affect one’s whole outlook on the world as well as everyday behavior. The parent cannot help but pass on that outlook and behavior to the children. It takes a recognition of the negative thoughts and actions, a willingness to face what has caused them, and an ability to come to peace with them for the ghosts to be laid to rest, allowing a sense of freedom from the past and an openness towards other people and the future. That kind of awareness is rare, unless it is pointed out by someone. The desire and courage to confront the devil is rarer still. And it takes an aware child to recognize aspects of their parent’s behavior that they do not want to duplicate themselves and a lot of determination to be able to resist the strong temptation of that behavior. Our life threads are so entwined.

This inheriting of pain should give us all a stronger urge to settle with our past so that we can live a brighter future ourselves and free our families from the monkey on our back. A good start is to write it all down.

Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
Posted in bad memories | 2 Comments

Another lesson from Anne Frank

Posted on October 10, 2009 by moonbridgebooks

The Anne Frank House museum posted on YouTube the only live footage of young Anne before her death from typhoid in a concentration camp. The short clip was taken following the July 1941 wedding of the Franks’ neighbor, with 13-year-old Anne looking down to the street from an upper window to see the young couple leaving the apartment building. Years later, after Anne’s diary was published, the couple recognized Anne and gave a copy of the clip to Anne’s father and to the museum where it has since been available for viewing by visitors. There are other videos posted on the Anne Frank House new You Tube channel, including one of Otto Frank, Anne’s father, speaking about his daughter’s diary which he received after his family’s deaths. When he finally read the diary, he was quite surprised by Anne’s deep thoughts and self criticism.

Probably most parents don’t really know their children, just as most children – even grown children – probably don’t really know their parents, this despite living under the same roof for years, speaking to each other daily, observing each others’ oddities and emotional hot buttons. We don’t dig into each others’ thoughts or formative experiences, we just don’t have the awareness to do that or, in our busy world, the time. And yet, when we are able to ask the deep questions, probe into past experiences, we learn so much about each other and why we act the way we do, which then enriches our lives and our relationships. When I heard some of my mother’s childhood stories, her whole being seemed to be illuminated to me. Writing about our thoughts and our reflections on experiences is even more of a treasure as a lasting and most intimate look at who we are. Imagine what gold Anne’s diary is to her father.

Take a look at the YouTube channel for the Anne Frank House museum, which includes the clip of Anne and a virtual tour of the attic space the Frank family hid in during WWII

Linda Austin
“Cherry Blossoms in Twilight”
http://www.moonbridgebooks.com
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